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Alan Douglas Bryant was conceived at a wild New Year's Eve party on Dec. 31, 1967. His experience with computers began in April, 1968, when his mother swallowed a digital watch which had been baked in a pumpkin pie. Always a precocious child, Alan not only repaired the watch, he actually used the spare parts to build an FM radio with quadraphonic sound and a laser show.
Alan was born on Sept. 30, 1968. He was kicked out of St. Joseph's Hospital shortly after his birth, because he had converted a nurse's hairdryer into a 350 horsepower motorcycle, then roared up and down the maternity ward, disturbing the other children. His relations with authority figures has followed this pattern throughout his life.
Alan spoke three languages at birth (Basic, Forth, and C), but he quickly picked up several others. He did not learn English until seventh grade, when he had a cute English teacher. He still has not learned to spell, preferring to use the spelling checker on his computer.
Alan has an immediate grasp of mathematical concepts ranging from geometry to number theory. After completing a course in differential equations in the first grade, he picked up easy money writing blistering criticisms of the works of Newton and Gauss. His interest in math dwindled in the second grade, when he discovered easier money breaking into bank's computers.
Alan has been a strange character throughout his life. He often goes quite mad for days at a time, insisting that he is a dog named Rowfe (pronounced Wrouphiee). He presently resides under Billy Goat Bridge at Dexter park with a troll named Smith. His hobbies include photography, computer programming, finding prime numbers, reading Douglas Adams books, eating pizza, and lying.
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